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Little Girl, Little Girl. You Dirty Liar.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Jealousy. That's what it is. You're so jealous, it's making you bitter - and angry at everyone who doesn't deserve it. But you can't fix it. You don't know how, because you don't know what it is - just that it's making you hate everything, and that you need someone to fix it.You just need to let them in.
You walked away, today. You made her think you were really mad at her. You weren't though, were you?
Maybe.
You could have been mad at her. You wouldn't have had a reason, but you could have been. You could blame her because she has the one she loves there each day. You could blame her because she's allowed to do the things you want to, but can't. You could blame her because she just doesn't care. You could blame her because they care about her more than they do, you.
But none of that is her fault.
You're sick of the way people come crawling back to you as if the way you hurt them is what they deserve. You hate the way they still love you. The way they still worry that you're too attatched. You hate the way they still care.
The worst part is that you could still tell them anything, and everything. The worst part is that just the other night you cried to them and told them everything that was wrong. Because you really do know. The worst part is that you were greatful they were there that night - that they didn't try to find a way to fix it: they just hugged you and told you it would be okay, they didn't pretend to understand; they did exactly what you needed.
The worst part is that you regret it now. The worst part is that you'll only hurt that person again. And you both know it.
You used to have a hope. You in your entirety have grown ugly. Your jealousy, your hate, your contempt.
You don't even recognize yourself anymore.